Submission Humour, or How to Win Me Over

Writing to agents and publishers can often be time consuming and draining. It is often hard to keep one’s head afloat amidst the many form letter rejections.

It’s common to write to a hundred or so agents and only receive a positive response from a couple of them. (That said, I’m happy to note that I am above average on positive responses: currently about 20% of my queries have requested more information).

Still, the point of this post is not to talk about me for a change, but to talk about humour.

Swimming through agency after agency, publisher after publisher, it’s refreshing to see submission guidelines that keep it light and funny. One agency, Scribe Literary (regretfully, I never heard back from them) does this with panache:

what we want
see manifesto. we are open to most fiction genres and nonfiction.

what we don't
multiple/simultaneous submissions, works based on another’s ideas (ie. star trek, star wars, tv/movie/book characters, etc.), thinly veiled revenge fantasies against your fellow professors, cat mysteries.

how we want it
as of january 1, 2008, scribe agency only accepts electronic submissions. your submission should include a cover letter (this should be the email, not an attachment), synopsis, and the first three chapters. your work should be formatted thus: 1-inch margins all around, double spaced, pages numbered, 12 pt. courier or times new roman. attachments should be saved as microsoft word documents or pdfs. failure to follow these simple guidelines will result in an instant dismissal, and much laughing at your expense.

where to send it
submissions (at) scribeagency (dot) com
if you are unable to send your work electronically, query us at whattheshizzle (at) scribeagency (dot) com before sending us anything.

scribe agency responds to queries in three to four weeks. sometimes longer.

on rejections
we get a lot of submissions. we reject 99% of them. our standards really are that high. our standard rejection reads as follows: "thank you for your submission, but we are not interested." we might throw in an occasional "best of luck in finding representation elsewhere." we say exactly what we mean. we are not going to lie to you and say something nice in the rejection nor are we going to provide you with the tools to make your work better. if we requested chapters or an entire novel, we will of course explain in some depth as to why we are rejecting you, but otherwise we won't. emailing us to complain or ask for further elucidation will get you nowhere—we delete those upon receipt.

our address (if you want to send us beer or something—not for paper submissions):

scribe agency

5508 joylynne drive

madison, wi 53716

Today, I came across a local publisher, Now or Never Publishing, who has a similar, refreshingly honest and funny perspective:

Now Or Never Publishing
Fighting Words.
(Because “The next big thing in mid-sized cars" was already taken apparently.)

Publisher: Walt "Widemouth" Bass

Editor: Sidney Shapiro

Associate Editor: Randy Riehl

Associate Editor: Amanda Peters

Publicist: Andrew Stott

Okay, so we’re ready to start looking at book submissions again. But we expect to fall behind almost immediately, so before you send anything, please make sure you’ve looked at (and maybe even read!) our other books.

As this is the future we’ve all been eagerly anticipating, we now only accept email submissions. And so, with that in mind, send us whatever the hell you want. We will probably take forever to respond, and we do apologize for that. However, if you’re still interested, please send us the complete manuscript; it’s tough to consider sample chapters when you’re just not that bright. We’ll see how it goes. Thanks for letting us see your work.

Again, though, no snail mail. We really can’t stress that enough. Our office is tiny, messy, and poorly managed at the best of times. Oh yeah, and we’re apparently a “literary publisher interested in contemporary urban Canadian fiction,” whatever the heck that means. It probably means that, at present, we only consider work by Canadian authors. So there.

They are so perfect for me!! I wrote to them immediately. Oh man, do I hope to hear back from them. Someone call them for me and tell them I’m awesome, okay?

Here I am! Did you miss me?

Since my last post, much has happened, including nothing.

How could much happen, if nothing happened? Well, life went bonkers! It’s crazy busy right now! I am currently playing on two soccer teams, and a baseball team. Four days a week I have some form of sports. So needless to say, the writing fell off the table.

Don’t get me wrong, I have tried to write. The other three days of the week I thought about writing a lot. But unfortunately, thinking about writing isn’t the same as writing about thinking.

At one point, about a month ago, I had another idea. I know, I promised everyone I would finish the third novel in the “Magic” series, but it’s just not working. I may have to completely rewrite it. But this other idea came to me in an entirely new format: a screenplay! I’ve never written a screenplay, so when I set to put it down, I had no idea about formatting. I mean seriously, who has ever heard of a “Slugline”? So I found myself spending more time formatting the damn thing than writing it down. Eventually, I found a template with screenplay styles, and was able to use that, but MAN! It’s tough business!

I wrote so quickly and with such determination, it wasn’t until I got to the main climax that I realized I had NO IDEA where the characters were going to go. I mean, I have an ending, all waiting to connect to the beginning, but I am a bit lost as to some key plot points. When they say “WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW” they weren’t kidding. My characters went travelling, and though they ended up in Greece (the ONLY foreign country I’ve spent any time in aside from the US), I couldn’t remember some key destinations. (It has been fifteen years since I travelled there, and I was twelve at the time, so you can blame my amnesia on the subject.) So, I stopped until I could get more information.

Thank goodness for friends who are travel agents. A little Starbucks bribery and I had him spilling all the important information I needed. I voraciously took notes. And once I had everything I needed....

I went to bed.

Hey, I was tired. Okay?

Well that was a month ago and I have touched it since.

But wait! There’s more!

Last weekend, having no other set plans, I told myself I would WRITE. I decided Saturday was writing day. And sure as shootin’ (did I really just say that?) on Saturday morning I woke up with an idea.

It involves a writer who has writer’s block. Ironic, no?

So I trucked over to Starbucks and opened up my laptop and started to.... stare at it. I had this great idea and no opening line. Ugh. Finally it came to me and I started typing.

I was only a chapter in when I realized something.
IT WAS CRAP! I looked back at the drivel and realized, what a MESS!

So I did the only thing I could think of, I started proofing “It’s a Kind of Magic” again. And, for the first time since writing it, I actually ENJOYED reading it! I never hated it, I just knew it so well that when I read it back I always found it boring. Well now that it’s been months since I last reviewed it, it’s igniting the desire to finish book three, and maybe even write a FOURTH! GASP! I know! Shocker!

I hope I can keep the drive going. I really do want to finish book three. I have the ending all resolved in my head, I just have to get there. The plan is to thoroughly read through books one and two, and then finish book three. I know that will make a few of you happy (Erinn, Mom, Sharlene)

(Also, I wrote to a couple more agents on Sunday :) YAY! Fingers crossed)

Resolutions

It's the eve of 2010 and I find myself looking back on the past year with little in the way of regrets.

I started 2009 with a crazy idea: to write a book. I've since written three. Well two full novels and two half-completed novels.

2010 brings me the resolution to persevere. To keep writing. To keep seeking an agent and publisher. To drive forward at full speed.

In that spirit, I made a few changes. I renamed Force. It's now called It's a Kind of Magic. The reason for the change is to allow continuity in the titles of the series. I hope to include the word "magic" in each title, and hopefully use a song title or lyric for the title. Other titles i'm tossing about include Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic and Black Magic Woman.

Also, I signed up to Authonomy.com today. It's a site owned by HarperCollins. It allows aspiring authors to post there work to the site for peer review, and the top rated books get selected by HarperCollins for review.

Here's the link to my book: http://authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=15163

Please go there, sign up (it's free and there's no spam!) and then click on "Back this Book."

Okay, I'm done with the shameless self promotion. :)

No, I'm not a slacker, I've just been preoccupied.

I guess it looks bad when someone starts a blog about writing, and then doesn't write in it for over a month.

What can I say, I've been busy!

I just closed on a condo, and the past three weeks I've spent organizing moving and inspections and the like. Needless to say, writing has kind of fallen off the table.

At first I was a bit disappointed in myself for not writing recently, but then I remembered a promise I made to myself upon finishing the sequel to Force: Take a break!

So, after taking a break from writing to enjoy summer, and pursue agent representation, I've decided to pick it back up again. I'm not yet writing the third and final story related to Force, but instead, I've started a new, completely different tangent.

I've tentatively titled it After... Life. It follows a girl who wakes up one morning not with amnesia, but instead with entirely different memories of what her life has been. Alternating chapters are from her husband's point of view as he struggles to deal with the new person his wife has become.

I'm really liking the way the plot is forming in my head, but unfortunately, I may have bit off more than i can chew with this one. It's hard to write two identical chapters from two separate points of view, especially when i don't happen to write them together on the same day.

Anyway, that's my update. Still pursuing agents for Force, but not aggressively at the moment.

Oh! And I had someone finally read my still-untitled sequel, and she loved it! And she's not related to me, so that makes me believe her opinion more :)

I think the compliment may have been the push I needed to start up again.

Heat Wave!

Summer has hit Victoria with a fierce passion. It is so stinkin' hot out right now, and has been for the past week. Sounds great, right?

Well, yes, it has been lovely. But it also means I've been less than productive on writing to agencies because I'm out enjoying the weather. I finished my second novel a week or so ago, and was all set to hunker down on getting an agent, but instead I goofed off and went to the beach, and for hikes and such.

It was wonderful.

Today, however, I'm back at the letter writing. I'm feeling particularly determined now. I have to admit, I've been pretty selective at which agencies I contact, but until I exhaust those picks, I'm holding out for quality.

Besides that, I've already started book three, which I know I said I wasn't going to do, but the ideas are flowing! I can't help it! And people like Sharlene and my boss keep pushing me for more more more that it encourages me to write!

Le sigh.

Updates!

So it's been a while since I've written here, and to be honest it's because i have writers' block! GASP!

I'm nearing the end of the second story, and I can't figure out how to wrap it up!! EEP! So I have gone back and re-read the whole thing, and still am stuck.

Then I went back and fixed up Force again. I sent out some more query letters (five) and heard back from three. Two said no, but one wanted a partial manuscript!! Sweet!! I went through all the letters I've sent so far, and including the five i just sent, I've only sent out 12 letters (I miscalculated in an earlier post). So 2 responses out of 12 is pretty good in terms of odds. Now all I need is a positive response from the agent and we're on our way!

Also, I want to thank all those people out there who are reading my book and helping me with edits and suggestions. It's been a huge help and also helps me keep writing - you're good for my creative juices! Thanks!

That's all for now... hoping i can bust this writer's block soon....

Word Count

Learned something new today:

When calculating word count for something that will be published, you shouldn't use the word count tool found in your word processing software.

Why?

Well, agents and publishers are more interested in how much space your manuscript will take up, rather than the precise word count. Dialogue, for example, often has few words, but will take up more space due to paragraph breaks.

So, instead of using the word count tool, you should use this formula:

For a double-spaced, 12-point Courier document, with 1" margins, calculate approximately 250 words per page.

Force is approximately 71,000 words when calculated using word count. But, by using the above formula, it is 91,500 words in terms of the publishing world.

Wow, that makes me feel like i wrote way more than i did! I'll take it!

Getting an Agent

Something I've learned about trying to get published: You can't just write to publishers and hope they will want to read your manuscript. There are a few publishers that accept letters like this, but for the most part, you have to go through agent.

It is not easy to get an agent.

I did some research on how to go about getting one, and it is quite the process. First you need to write a Query Letter. The letter essentially the equivalent of a cover letter on a resume. You need to talk about who you are, what you've written/published in the past, your experiences and also give a summary, including word count, of your story.

For me, it was really difficult to toot my own horn. Furthermore, I hadn't ever tried to summarize my story in a paragraph. Sure, I can tell you all about it in a long drawn out description, but summarizing was difficult. When i finally got my letter written, I did some more research.

Apparently, a previously unpublished author, such as myself, can expect to send out hundreds of query letters, and if you're lucky, you will get a positive response from ten or so. About a 5% return. Yikes.

I jumped the gun and started sending out letters soon after I had finished the first round of edits of my manuscript. Most agents just ask for the letter, but a few ask for the first couple chapters as well. I figured that by the time i started getting responses I would have fine tuned Force enough by then that it would be ready to be sent out in full.

You can expect wait two weeks or so for a response from an emailed query letter (up to six weeks for snail mail). I had only sent off about a dozen letters before i heard back from the first agent. I reprinting it here because he was the only agent so far to send me back a response that wasn't a form letter (agent's name is deleted):

Dear Shawna:

Thank you for your recent query letter. I appreciate your patience while I’ve considered your project.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I must pass on Force. The prologue got off to a great start, giving Alexis a strong and likable voice and a strong hint of intriguing things to come. The chapter, however, I felt got bogged down in backstory. You clearly know a lot about the characters and world you created, but I feel the story might be too caught up in the details rather than focusing on the plot.

Thanks again for thinking of me. Please accept my best wishes for your project’s success.

I wasn't upset when i read his response. I had known my first chapter needed work. It was 30 pages long, whereas the rest of the book averaged about 10 pages per chapter. But, I also had already started book two, and the ideas were spilling out of me so fast i didn't want to revisit Force. I decided to hold off sending out more query letters until i could properly revist the first chapter.

In the meantime, the rejections kept coming in. I had four come in that week, all in a form letter format. I never heard from the other six (that means no). I did finally hear from one agent who requested my manuscript. Yay!! But i hadn't fully retooled my manuscript. Still, I was too excited to wait. I sent if off immediatly, but was determined not to get too optimistic.

It's been just about six weeks (you can expect to wait 4-6 weeks for a response from a manuscript request), and i still haven't heard anything. I wrote the agent a follow up email, but haven't heard back from that either.

It's okay though. The lack of response reminded me i needed to go back and fix up those first thirty pages. I rewrote them last night. Chapter 1 is now four chapters, and instead of being told in the past tense, i told it in the present tense, giving more weight to why Alex ends up working for Mobius in the first place.

I'm happy now, despite having placed the agent hunting on hold. I think i might try again in a couple weeks.