Writing to agents and publishers can often be time consuming and draining. It is often hard to keep one’s head afloat amidst the many form letter rejections.
It’s common to write to a hundred or so agents and only receive a positive response from a couple of them. (That said, I’m happy to note that I am above average on positive responses: currently about 20% of my queries have requested more information).
Still, the point of this post is not to talk about me for a change, but to talk about humour.
Swimming through agency after agency, publisher after publisher, it’s refreshing to see submission guidelines that keep it light and funny. One agency, Scribe Literary (regretfully, I never heard back from them) does this with panache:
what we want
see manifesto. we are open to most fiction genres and nonfiction.
what we don't
multiple/simultaneous submissions, works based on another’s ideas (ie. star trek, star wars, tv/movie/book characters, etc.), thinly veiled revenge fantasies against your fellow professors, cat mysteries.
how we want it
as of january 1, 2008, scribe agency only accepts electronic submissions. your submission should include a cover letter (this should be the email, not an attachment), synopsis, and the first three chapters. your work should be formatted thus: 1-inch margins all around, double spaced, pages numbered, 12 pt. courier or times new roman. attachments should be saved as microsoft word documents or pdfs. failure to follow these simple guidelines will result in an instant dismissal, and much laughing at your expense.
where to send it
submissions (at) scribeagency (dot) com
if you are unable to send your work electronically, query us at whattheshizzle (at) scribeagency (dot) com before sending us anything.
scribe agency responds to queries in three to four weeks. sometimes longer.
on rejections
we get a lot of submissions. we reject 99% of them. our standards really are that high. our standard rejection reads as follows: "thank you for your submission, but we are not interested." we might throw in an occasional "best of luck in finding representation elsewhere." we say exactly what we mean. we are not going to lie to you and say something nice in the rejection nor are we going to provide you with the tools to make your work better. if we requested chapters or an entire novel, we will of course explain in some depth as to why we are rejecting you, but otherwise we won't. emailing us to complain or ask for further elucidation will get you nowhere—we delete those upon receipt.
our address (if you want to send us beer or something—not for paper submissions):
scribe agency
5508 joylynne drive
madison, wi 53716
Today, I came across a local publisher, Now or Never Publishing, who has a similar, refreshingly honest and funny perspective:
Now Or Never Publishing
Fighting Words.
(Because “The next big thing in mid-sized cars" was already taken apparently.)
Publisher: Walt "Widemouth" Bass
Editor: Sidney Shapiro
Associate Editor: Randy Riehl
Associate Editor: Amanda Peters
Publicist: Andrew Stott
Okay, so we’re ready to start looking at book submissions again. But we expect to fall behind almost immediately, so before you send anything, please make sure you’ve looked at (and maybe even read!) our other books.
As this is the future we’ve all been eagerly anticipating, we now only accept email submissions. And so, with that in mind, send us whatever the hell you want. We will probably take forever to respond, and we do apologize for that. However, if you’re still interested, please send us the complete manuscript; it’s tough to consider sample chapters when you’re just not that bright. We’ll see how it goes. Thanks for letting us see your work.
Again, though, no snail mail. We really can’t stress that enough. Our office is tiny, messy, and poorly managed at the best of times. Oh yeah, and we’re apparently a “literary publisher interested in contemporary urban Canadian fiction,” whatever the heck that means. It probably means that, at present, we only consider work by Canadian authors. So there.
They are so perfect for me!! I wrote to them immediately. Oh man, do I hope to hear back from them. Someone call them for me and tell them I’m awesome, okay?
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